The Obsidian Collection Page 40

  “I’ve tried leaving it alone, but I can’t get her out of my head. She calms me, Dot, and no one has been able to do that since I got back. In fact, I know I love her. I’ve loved her from the moment I saw her seventeen years ago. I’ve dreamt about her all this time and I’ll be dammed if I’m going to just walk away. There has to be a way to fix this,” I say, slamming my fist against the table and scaring Dot.

  “Well then, go get help. Make sure it never happens again. The only way to fix it, is for you to fix yourself and prove to her that you’re better. This is a serious matter, Bran. She is probably scared of you. What type of relationship could you possibly have if she’s afraid of you? Think about it. Would you want to be around someone who scared you?” Dot made so much sense.

  “When did you become so smart?” She shrugs her shoulders and looks at me like I’m a halfwit.

  “Don’t know. I’ve always been like this. I’m the smart one in the family,” she says, giggling.

  “I know you are. Bring it in.” She hops up from her chair and hugs me.

  “I’ve missed you, Bran. We all want you back to your normal self. Back to the way you used to smile and laugh. Those are so far and few between now. Get help, not for her, but for yourself. You owe it to yourself.”

  “Thank you for always understanding me when no one else does.”

  “No Problem. Now, let me go. Lisa and I are going to go catch an early movie.”

  “Bye, you little brat.” She giggles and runs out through the sliding glass doors of the kitchen. I close them behind her and watch her as she disappears to the other side of our gate. It is time for me to take back control of my life. The first order of business is to call the base and see if I can get an assessment. Then onto the road of recovery. If I’m going to see her again, I have to be able to prove to her that I’m better; that I will not hurt her again.

  The next day after about five hours of being evaluated at the VA hospital, I’m checked in for intensive therapy. I am warned that it’s going to be a tough month and that I need to be prepared to dig in deep about my past. The past is a tough pill to swallow, because when I talk about it, everything that happened becomes real. All the shots fired, screaming, bombs going off, and people dying, all of it becomes real. For now, I can escape that reality and believe it never happened. If I don’t face it, then I know I’ll never see Are’ again, so here I am, about to embark on a new path in my life. My future depends on it. I want her to be mine forever. The good thing is that I have Dave to keep tabs for me. Since he’s dating Tasha, it’s easy for him to get information. The key is for him to keep reporting positive information, because the minute that he doesn’t, I’ll be checking out of here and fucking someone up. My sister isn’t pleased I am leaving again; although, she knows that it is for a short stay this time. A month away does seem like an eternity, but if I dig in, then it should go by fast.

  About a week into the therapy, I am sick to death of the therapist asking me stupid questions. Every time I say something she asks, “So how do you feel about that?” or “How does that affect your life?” I’m starting to think that this shit isn’t helping. Everyone in here seems more fucked up than I could ever be. Bill, the guy I share a room with, is always beating his head against something. It’s gotten to the point they’ve had to strap a helmet on him. The only person worth talking to is a woman called Shelia. She’s been in for six months and hopes to be leaving soon. She got hooked on drugs to try to help her forget her pain. Her family and friends staged an intervention, saying either get clean, get help, or get the fuck out. I was happy it hadn’t come to that for me. Shelia seems to be doing a lot better.

  “Hey, guy, guess what?” she says, bouncing on her tiptoes. She is so adorably cute. Like a little bunny rabbit.

  “What’s got you in such a good mood?” I say trying to hold back my enthusiasm.

  “Dr. Wolly say’s I’m good to go home at the end of the month. Oh, Brandon, I’m so excited. I get to see her again. Do you think she’ll remember me?”

  “Don’t worry, she will. Babies never forget who their mothers are. It may take her a little bit to get used to you again, but she will remember you,” I assure her.

  “You have been a God send. Don’t know if I could have gotten through this past week without you. It’s going to be weird going back to my husband and family.” Her face turns worried.

  “I feel the same way, Shelia.” I take her hand in mine. “It’s nice to talk to someone who can relate to what I’ve been through. You’ll be fine. Like Dr. Wolly said, just take it one day at a time and make sure you keep in contact with your sponsor.” She relaxes a bit as we sit in silence for a moment.

  “I will. You think it will be okay for us to keep in contact?” she asks

  “Sure. As long as your husband is okay with it. I don’t want to cause any conflict.”

  “I’ll talk to him and see if it’s okay.”

  “Cool. Enough talk about all the mushy stuff. Let’s go play some pool.”

  “Sounds good to me.” We hug for a bit before I release her, telling her confidently that we’ll keep in contact.

  It is going to be a long three weeks without her. Maybe I’ll find a new friend. All this talking is going to drive me crazy. At the same time, I’ll do anything to get back into Are’s arms.

  Arebella

  Brandon has disappeared off the face of the earth. After I’d calmed down, Tasha convinced me to try and give him a call. I tried several times with no response. Same goes with text messages. Maybe he’s given up on me because he thinks he hurt me too badly. It’s been almost a month since the incident and I desperately want to know how he is. Dave won’t give us any information as to his whereabouts. Tomorrow, we are going to the bar and I am going to make it my mission to get it out of him. I need to know where Brandon is.

  My heart hopes he hasn’t left and reenlisted to go back to Afghanistan. That’s thinking pretty arrogantly to think he cared for me that much. This past month, all I’ve done is literally eat and paint. I can barely sleep or eat worrying about him. The fear that I have of him is slowly fading. I don’t know if it’s the distance or Tasha confirming that the attack was not him being a psycho, but that he was ill. The Brandon I have come to now is so kind, calm, and level-headed.

  I’m convinced he must hate me for abandoning him in his time of need. I’ve been back to the place Brandon took me several times to see if I could feel him. Brandon had dreams for himself and when he told me about them, I could imagine I was there with him. If we leveled some of the trees back and built the house back from the shore, we could have the beach as our backyard and the grassy part on the side of the house. I can see myself playing in the sand and water with our bundle of joy. Wait, what the hell? Am I really envisioning my future to the point of which I’m talking about babies? He’s left without a trace, not even saying goodbye. The only thing I know for sure is that I miss him terribly. Tasha keeps urging me to move on, but all I can do is think about it.

  “Tonight, my friend, we get you out of this funk. It’s fucking making me depressed,” Tash says sarcastically.

  “I’m not in a funk. Sad, but not a funk,” I reply.

  “Yeah, you are. Listen, I’m not going to argue with you. Just get ready so we can go.” Tasha is dressed to the nines. Her short blue miniskirt and white strapless shirt compliments her body well. I’d kill to have a body like hers.

  “Yeah, yeah.” I go into the bathroom with my clothes and come out about ten minutes later dressed. I pull my hair into a messy ponytail and paint my lips in lip gloss. There is no need to impress anyone since Brandon is gone.

  “You look hot.”

  “I don’t feel hot. Let’s just go before I change my mind,” I say, my voice barely above a whisper.

  “Fine. By the end of the night, I promise you’ll be having a good time.”

  “We shall see.” We walk out and I shut the door behind me. We walk downstairs to see Will standing at the botto
m of it.

  “What’s he doing here?” I whisper to her.

  “He’s giving us a ride. Dave is meeting us there and my car is in the shop. Remember?”

  “I forgot. Next time, tell me when Will is going to be escorting us around.” Seeing Will at the bottom of the stairs irritates me. Why can’t he take a hint and leave me alone? I’ll never see him more as than a friend.

  “Noted,” she whispers back and waves at Will.

  Don’t get me wrong, Will is a handsome man. He stands at about six foot with sandy-blonde hair and dark brown eyes. His jaw line defined. If Brandon hadn’t shown up, maybe I would have developed feelings for him, but now that Brandon is in my life, there is no going back. I am at the point of no return. Will takes my arm and escorts to me to the car. The urge inside me says snatch it away, but for what? Why hold back any longer? I clutch him and allow him to lead me. He smiles and my stomach turns. Can I do this? Can I move on?

  An hour later, I’m on the dance floor, dancing my heart out with Tasha. She loves to dance. Me, on the other hand, I need a little liquid courage. I feel two large arms wrap around my waist and I know it’s Will. I can smell him. The smell of lemons and passion fruit. I know I should push him away, but to be wrapped up in his arms feels good. To be wanted feels good. We keep dancing and a slow song comes on. I turn into him, wrapping my arms around his neck. Will’s hands inch up my thigh and my heart tells me to stop him, but my head screams yes.

  “I thought that maybe you’d never come around.”

  “Don’t talk; just dance with me,” I instruct.

  We sway to the music and I’m lost in the moment. Lost in the world that is imaginary and wishing this was Brandon, hoping it was Brandon. All of sudden, I feel Will’s body yanked from me. I open my eyes to see Brandon steaming, his eyes red with anger. Will comes charging back at him.

  “I wouldn’t do that if I were you. I can snap your neck before you have a second to think.” Will stops in his tracks and backs away slowly. From the looks of things, Will knows he can’t compete with him.

  “Whatever. She is so not worth this bullshit. She’s such a fucking tease anyway,” Will says.

  “What the fuck did you say?” Brandon says, his voice hard.

  “You heard me. She’s been a tease for a long time.” Brandon, without hesitation, forms a fist and punches him in the face. Will goes down like a sack of potatoes.

  He turns to me.

  “Brandon what the hell? Where have you been?”

  He says nothing but remains looking at me; his eyes are a mixture of hunger and anger. They’re blazing with passion.

  “You’re mine. Do you hear me? Mine. Don't ever let another fucker fucking touch you. Do you understand me, Are’? You’re fucking mine." I lose all since of reality as he pushes me against the wall and forces his lips on me. They are hot and desperate. God, I've missed this. I've missed him.

  “You can’t just traipse in here after a month and get all domineering. You left without a word. Where were you?” His eyes could see right through me.

  “I’m sorry, Are’,” he begins “I’m sorry. The look you gave me when I tried to touch you, killed me. I don’t want you to be afraid of me or to give me that look ever again,” he says, kissing the back of my hands.

  “Can we get out of here and go talk? All I want to do is talk?” He pleads

  “No, we can’t. I’m so fucking pissed at you. You have no right to get mad over him touching me. You lost that privilege the moment you decided to leave with no words. Where were you? ” I repeat.

  “If we can get out of here, I’ll tell you everything you want to know.”

  My guard begins to relax. “Fine,” I agree. “But I’m mad, Brandon.”

  “I understand. I’ve missed you so much, Are’. You’ll never know how much,” He says, stroking my cheek. He holds me by the waist and ushers me out of the bar.

  I stop us before we got into his truck. “For the record, you didn’t get your way,” I say. “I’m only going with you because I’m eager to know where you’ve been. But if you ever get domineering like that again and beat my friends up, we are so over. Got me?”

  “Loud and clear,” he smiles. “Now, can we go?”

  “Yes.” We get into his truck and head toward I don’t know where.

  Brandon

  “How did you know I was at that club?” she asks as we sit at the table at Gasby’s, the local all-night diner. After we left the club, we decided to go get a bite to eat. The only thing left open was the Gasby’s Diner. When I saw that Will guy touching her in places that only belong to me, I thought I was going to lose my shit. Punching that asshole in the face felt so liberating. No one touches her that way but me.

  “Dave told me.”

  “Where have you been, Brandon? I’ve been going out of my mind.” She sounds defeated. The way she says, “Where were you, Brandon,” strikes a pain in my chest. Has she been that worried about me?

  “I went on a month long therapy retreat. It was something that I needed to do for myself. I didn’t want to face what happened over there, and in turn, I hurt you because of it. Please forgive me, Are’. I never want you to have to face that man again.” My voice cracks at the thought of her having to face that again.

  “I already have. If you would have contacted me, you would’ve known that. I’ve done some research on PTSD and I think we can get through this together,” she says and my heart lifts.

  “You don’t know how that makes me feel. I wanted to call you and tell you so many times where I was. I decided against it because I needed to prove to you that I wasn’t that man, and by going to therapy, that was the only way I knew how.”

  “I know you’re not that man. There is something I need to tell you. Something I’ve been hiding. You remember when you said I was wearing strange clothes when you first saw me?” I nod in agreement.

  “Well, so” She fidgets with the napkin on the table “Ummmm, it’s because I’m Amish. I’ve left my family, my community and can never return. It kills me inside because I left my sister and I miss her terribly. That life wasn’t for me. I’ve attempted to visit, but can’t because they shunned me. I didn’t want you to think differently of me because I left my family to pursue my own dreams.” She looks down at the table in shame. How could I look at her differently? She is strong and beautiful, yet doesn’t even know it.

  “Look at me, Arebella.” She doesn’t look up. “Look at me,” I say again. Finally, her eyes meet mine and I feel complete. “I could never look at you any differently. You are strong, beautiful, and smart. We both have a past. Together, we can move past this. You have my heart, Are’, and always will.”

  “It hurts so badly, missing them.” She puts her hands on her face trying not to cry.

  “We’ll find a way to get you connected back to your family. I’m sure they miss you just as much as you miss them.” I say pulling her hands away from her beautiful face.

  “I know my sister does.”

  ‘I’m sure they all do. I’m curious to know what it was like growing up Amish? I’ve seen a few of them around town from time to time.” She blushes as I mention her old life. We spend hours in the diner just talking. I never knew talking could be so rewarding. I tell her everything that went on while I was in Afghanistan, just as my doctor suggested. It feels like heavy weights have been lifted off my shoulders. Are’ occasionally gets a sad look when she speaks about her past life as an Amish girl. I remember her as a little girl in her black dress and bonnet, and imagine her playing in the meadows before her mother passed away. One of my missions now is to reunite Are’ with her sister. I know what it feels like to be without your family. It completely sucks and is lonely. She now also has me in her life. I know she is my future and I‘ll do anything for my future.

  I want our relationship to grow. Before we can accomplish this, we have to continue to get to know each other better. I know I have to continue with outpatient care therapy if I am truly going to ge
t better. Dr. Wolly has also given me some anti-depressants to help with my mood swings. There is no way I’m going to let Are’ see that side of me again. It scared her, and if we are going to be a together, I can’t allow her to fear me.

  “Can I ask you something?” I say

  “You can ask me anything.”

  “What made you think of me all these years? I mean, we were only five when we first saw each other.”

  Are’ puts her cup down on the table. “It was something in your eyes. They were friendly and kind. Something I hadn’t seen in a long time. And I knew then, as I do now, that you are my future.”

  “You complete me, Arebella, like no one else ever has.” As the conversation lightens, I ask her several more questions, like where she sees herself in the future. What she wants to do? She tells me more than anything, she wants to paint. She wants her art to be known around the world. Her dreams make me want to push harder so I can make something of myself. She also tells me that she wants a quiet life, to have a family and to take care of them like her mother did with her.

  “I decided something while I was away.” I say

  “Oh, yeah. What’s that?”

  “I’m not going to reenlist in the military. My therapist helped me see past today and actually see a future. I have less than a year left in this rotation. After that, my time with them is done. I think I want to go school to be a therapist. I want to help other soldiers who have been in battle. What do you think?” I look down at my coffee hoping she agrees with me. Hoping she believes in me.

  She put her hand over mine. “I think you can do whatever you want to do. I’ll support you.”

  I stand up and sit next to her. “You know what, Are’?”

  “What?” she says

  “I think I loved you from the minute you reentered my life, and I can’t thank God enough for bringing you to me.”